Mental Toughness?

Throughout the week, I repeatedly asked myself...

***How could I do this better?***

How can I talk to my patients better?
How can I look at people better?
How can I gain control?
What do I need to do to get out of this situation?


So what if I think I am good at something, I can always be better.

I found out that the solution to these questions was to focus.

For example:

I generally don't let things get to me, but sometimes I crack.

When I found out that my patient had forgotten about his appointment yesterday 3-26-09 even though I confirmed the day before, it hit me hard. I had been mentally prepared to finally: use the ultrasonic scaler, To finally scale my first HEAVY, to move along with my schedule, to finally make skill strengthening. Everything I had prepared for was gone. I had been looking forward to this appointment for weeks.

Not only did I feel like I was robbed, but the repetitiveness of these last min./no shows took it's toll on me; I was loosing control. But I bit my lip and took deep breaths and started to look for patients, however, the thought of what comes next kept creeping into my mind. My schedule was ruined, how will I reach my requirements, will I even pass. And then I lost it.

I quickly walked to the bathroom and thought, I can't be doing this, I can't have more down time. It took me about 5 min of hyperventilating and breathing through my shirt to gain control again. At this point I thought...I'm sure not mentally tough today. Despite that, I made it out of the bathroom, red eyed and kind of smiling. I had to focus on not focusing on my canceled appointment. The slightest thought and I would loose it again.

My classmate helped me find a short notice patient, I checked off on the oxygen tank and then my new patient arrived. I finished the appointment.

Even though I clearly was not mentally tough, I felt as though I demonstrated mental toughness by leaving the bathroom because I know that I would have been in there for three hours.